Psychotherapy is built on the premise that if you are struggling with something, feel stuck, or are having strong feelings or reactions to something, it’s because there’s more going on in your life than you realize. According to psychotherapy, the problem you are dealing with is, in actuality, only a symptom of a bigger conflict going on inside you. Through expert-guided conversation, therapists help clients gain the awareness they need to feel and function better and create lasting change. Therapists help people to:

1. Identify the real problem.

Awareness is based on only 10% of the brain. Motivation is from the unconscious mind, out of awareness. This is why it can be hard to find an effective solution to a problem, or why logic and advice don’t necessarily lead to lasting results. The problem we are identifying and attempting to solve is only what we are aware of, and not the whole dilemma. But we simply can’t fix what we aren’t aware of.

Psychodynamic therapists are trained to bring things that are out of awareness into awareness, or make parts of the subconscious conscious. This gives the client a full picture of what they are really struggling with, so they can come up with the appropriate options and interventions that lead to relief and lasting change.

2. Learn how you operate.

A person’s mood and outcomes in life depend greatly on the way (s)he approaches life and how (s)he interprets the things that happen to him/her. Most people go through life unaware, for the most part, of why they make the choices they make and how they interpret the things that happen to them. Therapists can help clients identify:

What are my unique thoughts, beliefs and attitudes about myself, others, the world, and life?

How have these thoughts, beliefs and attitudes shaped how I view and interpret the things that happen to me?

How do these assumptions I’ve formed about life affect my mood and how I interact with others?

Once you have this information, you can decide which of the beliefs and ways of being that you have work for you, and which ones do not. A therapist will also help you to identify new approaches that you’ve never thought of before and may serve you well.

3. Connect with your true self.

We all have expectations that are put on us, beginning with our parents, and continuing with authority figures in school and at work, our social circles and society at large. Receiving constant subtle or direct messages about what is okay and not okay causes us to develop and express some parts of ourselves, and not others. When thoughts or feelings are repressed or denied because we’ve come to see them as unacceptable and dangerous, it causes psychic conflict. This conflict gets expressed through obsessive thought, not being able to move past something, a gnawing sense of unhappiness, and even chronic physical pain.

Psychotherapy helps you get to know all parts of yourself, including ones that have, up until now, been hidden from you. And once you connect with all parts, you get to choose which ones you want to invest in or express, giving you the peace of mind and joy of being a whole, integrated person.

4. Be understood.

One of the biggest sources of pain and psychic conflict for people is feeling insignificant. People rarely get the opportunity to express themselves fully or feel deeply heard. Conversations are more frequently speaking at someone rather than truly engaging them in a dialogue. Today’s fast-paced and multi-tasking culture, being here and electronically there at the same time, contributes even more to people’s feelings of aloneness. Many people suffer from a lack of feeling understood and valued for who they uniquely are.

A therapist’s main goal in session is to understand and know you deeply, perhaps better than you know yourself. Their most valued and often-used tool is their questioning. The act of asking a person to elaborate on their experiences and innermost thoughts and feelings and treating those things as having significance, becomes very validating and healing to the individual. The open, non-judgmental and confidential environment of therapy also gives people the safety to explore and be honest in ways they can’t be anywhere else.

Using psychotherapy to create change will require deliberate, conscious effort. However, even just being open to the therapy process causes personal progression over time.

Liz Wallenstein, LMHC, is in private practice in Brooklyn and Manhattan, NY. She works with adult and young adult individuals in the areas of relationships, family conflict, depression, “stuckness,” emotional roots of chronic pain, and family members of addicts. To schedule a consultation session, please visit www.LizWallensteinTherapy.com or call 917-727-3549.