Dear Therapist:
I have never been the most ambitious guy but I have a decent job and make a living. What I find recently is that it is really hard for me to stay motivated. I’ll do ok for a few days and then (usually mid-week) I hit a wall and just can’t seem to push myself to get anything done. Initially I thought it would pass but it’s becoming a pattern that repeats itself. My life is actually pretty full so it’s not like I don’t have what to do. I just get a feeling of complete disinterest and also a “what’s the point of anything” type of attitude. What do you think the issue might be and how can I get myself moving more consistently?
Response:
There can be numerous reasons for what has been termed “burn-out.” I don’t know whether you are referring to general motivation or that specifically related to your job. I will refer to the latter, but my response can be generalized as well.
Sometimes, a job comes to mean more to someone than is emotionally healthy. The person may feel that their job symbolizes success, normalcy, or acceptance. A job can become too strong a basis for self-definition. As long as the association between the job and the emotional need continues (and the strength of the need remains stable), the job can continue to satisfy the need. If, however, the strength or importance of the need changes—or it is no longer satisfied by the job—the need tends to reassert itself.
You mention that you have never been very ambitious. I take this to mean that you never were strongly motivated to succeed beyond the attainment of what you consider a decent job. However, ambition exists on a spectrum. Also, ambition can be defined differently by different people. Indeed, it can be defined differently by the same person at different stages of life.
How did you define “ambition” when you were looking for your first job? Were you excited about making a living and doing good work? Is that definition still valid today? Were you more “ambitious” when you had specific life goals? Has your ambition waned because those goals have now been fulfilled?
Perhaps, at some point, you valued your job because of what it signified. Did it once symbolize success, or did it in some way define you? Did you feel like a success because of how it defined you? If so, your perspectives on success, sense of self, and therefore ambition may have changed.
When you speak of your “what’s the point?” attitude, I wonder what the point used to be? If you can identify this, it may help you to work through your malaise. Perhaps you will be able to reconnect to those old definitions, goals, and therefore attitude. More likely, you would recognize that these no longer hold true. Acknowledging them, however, can help you to determine better ways of fulfilling your current goals and needs. Perhaps this would lead to a change of career. It may help you to identify new ways of attaining your goals and fulfilling your needs. Or it may lead you to challenge old emotional needs and goals, allowing you to be content with your current circumstances.
-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
psychotherapist in private practice
Brooklyn, NY
author of Self-Esteem: A Primer
www.ylcsw.com / 718-258-5317
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