I believe in routines. My Sunday morning routine includes - among other things - going for a run, coffee with friends, and learning with my dad. My father and I have found a compromise between lightning fast (he has been a Daf Yomi magid shiur for over thirty years) and my plodding Chofetz Chaim pace (read: slow as molasses).  

This morning, my father and I came across a series of stories in the Gemara about latrines and demons. (Times were dangerous back then. Thank God for indoor plumbing.) One phrase, buried among the stories, struck me suddenly: “Our tradition in regard to suffering is silence and praying for mercy.” (Berachos 62a)

I believe that Hashem allows us to hear exactly what we need to hear at any given moment. So I paused and took it in.  

When we are suffering, our tradition recommends silence, and praying for mercy. And we are suffering.

Rashi explains that this silence refers to silence from complaint and rebellion. Ben Yehoyada explains that silence here refers specifically to refraining from complaining speech.

We do not know why Hashem does things. We may want to try to change His mind, to convince him that His world would be better if He did things our way. But that is an ego-feeding proposition. It is far more becoming to work to accept His will, and to ask for His help dealing with our pain. Of course, we may have questions, complaints, even rebellious rage. But when that is done, we would do well to seek silence and prayer. It is in our tradition.

(Just a footnote: If you haven’t yet seen Dovid Kohn’s post about grief, it is well worth the read.)

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

Sign up for the Spiritual Sofa newsletter to receive each blog post before it's posted here!