Once we establish the why of self-care for therapists (see last week’s post), the next question might be: how? But the thought of  making a list of self care actions doesn’t appeal to me at the moment. Maybe another post.

What about when? When should, or even could, a therapist engage in self-care? When do we have time, exactly?

I’ve started taking a few moments, in between sessions, when I can, to just pause and be present. To breathe. To mentally and spiritually prepare to be present with another person.

When I started my first job after graduate school, my approach to the fee-for-service model was to squeeze as many sessions into my schedule as humanly possible. Some basic math led me to the conclusion that I could squeeze in an extra session every three hours if I eliminated my break time.

Who needs a break?, I thought. I like what I do. Maybe I can even leave a little earlier if I don’t take a break. Besides, clinic work is prone to cancellations and no-shows. I’ll probably have time for a break anyway.

You can imagine how this went south very quickly. A coworker later told me that I seemed standoffish and anti-social. Coworkers? What are they? I didn’t have time for social interaction.

Now I see clients on the hour, with enough time in between sessions to write notes, go to the restroom, eat a snack, or have a quick word with those colleagues I didn’t have time for. My quality of life is greatly improved. I have learned to resist the urge to squeeze in yet another session to my schedule. My finances may suffer, but my sanity triumphs.

When the clinic hires a new therapist, I often see the same pattern play itself out. They run (sometimes literally) between appointments, running to the waiting room, running back to the office, running to the restroom. Running running running. Trying to be nice, I say my piece about self-care. They smile sweetly as they run to their next appointment. I have someone waiting, they say. Off to the races again.

They’ll come around soon, I hope.

Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com. 

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