Why do we have feelings?
What is the point of sadness, anxiety, fear? Hope, joy, love?
The latter feelings are pleasant, sure, but do they have a higher purpose? Is trying to feel good just another form of pleasure seeking?
A client recently said to me that he would rather feel nothing at all than struggle through his daily mix of depression and anxiety. When feelings get hijacked by mental illness, they can seem to be more than unpredictable nuisances - they become something to avoid at all costs.
But at their best, feelings are more than just sensations. They tell us who we are. Not who we want to be. Not who we think we should be. Feelings tell us who we actually are.
Feelings tell us what we like, and what we don’t like. What we can tolerate, and what we can’t. What is worth extending ourselves for, and what is not. Feelings tell us much more about our true selves than we could ever know without them. That is why being in touch with our feelings - and knowing how to separate healthy feelings from the unhealthy - is so important.
Sitting on my friend’s deck this weekend, I looked up and saw a hawk circling high above, riding the air currents, wings outstretched. A little while later, a deer stared me down, then loped away through a shallow stream. At that point, my feelings told me something very clearly: I like living in nature. I would much rather live on a mountain than near Mountain Fruit. Better the ocean than Ocean Parkway.
That thought was so striking, so crystal clear, because it came from true feelings. It resonated deeply. I’m not moving anytime soon, but I know where I would like to live when the time comes.
So learn to feel your feelings. Learn to differentiate the healthy from the unhealthy. And learn more about yourself with every emotion.
No feelings, no self.
Know feelings, know self.
Shimmy Feintuch, LCSW CASAC-G maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, NY, and Washington Heights, NYC, with specialties in addictions and anxiety. He is also an Adjunct Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work at Yeshiva University. Contact: (530) 334-6882 or shimmyfeintuch@gmail.com.
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