This last Sunday was the NYC marathon.  Why does anyone do this?  It is hard, hard work.  Yet, it feels good.  Would it feel as good if you ran 25 miles, being forced to do so at gunpoint on a death march?

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph refers to an idea that certain customs can become defacto obligations, as if you had explicitly made a vow.  Halachically this comes up in many areas discussed by poskim, such as when a person voluntarily takes upon himself certain stringencies or abstentions that are ordinarily permitted.  There are many situations where the mere resolve to do so, without even verbalizing it, already becomes an obligation, and other times where adhering to the restriction or practice is required. Within this category, sometimes even one time activates this obligation, other times one must enact it three times (See Shulkhan Arukh YD 214 and also Rabbi Elefant’s excellent series of shiurim on this daf about minhag at the OU all daf website).

This brings me to discuss the idea of chumros and minhag, which can be fraught with personal conflict.  When taking on a stringency, it is important to understand and clarify motivation.  Emotional and spiritual matters are motivated by either fear or love.  Fear is an excellent motivator, however because it is about survival it is lacking in nuance.  Love is initially a weaker motivator, since it is less about safety but ultimately a deeper motivator as it engages the conscious heart and mind.  This is because fear motivators are about survival and love motivators are about higher intellectual and emotional joining.

When it comes to Torah observance there is fear and love.  Anthropomorphically we fear God as a king who must be obeyed. It is known as “Basileomorphism”. If you want to show off how sophisticated you are, you can drop this word in conversation.  (The real fear is our own loss of connection to God, not his anger and punishment per se, see Psychology of the Daf Nedarim 8.). Fear is important, because sometimes we really are in danger.  Resolving to take on a stringency in order to express fear of God or to tamp down hedonistic and materialistic lust is a recognized and valid religious process, as Shimon Hatzaddik described in his encounter with the young Nazir (Daf 9b).  If that is your motivator, be real about it and understand that it is coming from a less evolved place. Like the nazir who ”sins” by abstaining from this world, but if he does so with sober and intelligent intentions, it is a good thing. 

And then there is the motivator of love.  The person feels such devotion and gratitude toward God that he wants to voluntarily do something extra.  This is not just a gift or appeasement to God, but a deep wish to express attachment.  Such practices are energizing and enriching, when the person is ready to do so with a whole heart.  

Imagine two people in shul who have a custom to stand during the Torah reading. One person does it because he fears God, and wants to instill in himself a recognition of the awesome holiness in the Torah so that he takes the commandments seriously and is afraid to violate them.  Another person does it to honor the Torah and express his joy and admiration of the laws of the Torah. Both of them are doing a fine thing, but their motivators are different.  The former motivator is good for the short term, but eventually can lead to emotional and spiritual depletion, as fear is an exhausting emotional process.  However, when something is done out of love, instead of exhaustion and depletion (even when it is hard work), there is a feeling of fulfillment and energy.

Imagine two people running like madmen.  One person is being chased by a bloodhound, while the other is running a marathon.  It is likely that the person being chased will run faster, as after all, it is about survival.  However, the marathon runner will run happier and more consistently.  The person who outran the dogs feels relief but also exhaustion, and not much fulfillment.  The person who ran the marathon might be temporarily and physically wiped out, but emotionally feels fulfilled and excited, and cannot wait to do it again.  So when it comes to chumros, are you running away or running toward?

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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