Our Gemara on Amud Beis declares:

Granted, from a marriage (nusuin), even without a feast, there is joy. But from a betrothal (eirusin) without a feast, is there any joy? It is merely a legal ceremony.

The Meshech Chokhma (זאת הברכה י ) compares the two phases of marriage to two phases of relating to Torah. As we know, in regard to Torah and marriage, their is a famous play on words (Pesachim 49b):

Moshe commanded us the Torah, an inheritance [morasha] for the congregation of Jacob” (Deuteronomy 33:4). Do not read it as inheritance [morasha]; rather, read it as betrothed [me’orasa]. The Torah is compared to the betrothed bride of the Jewish people.

It is notable that the Torah is considered an arusa but not a nesuah. This has an odd connotation; the Jewish people are engaged with the Torah but not fully consummated or married to it? Meshech Chokhma also notes, based on our Gemara that a betrothal is not considered intrinsically joyous without having a festive meal, however the nisuin or chuppah, which is the completion of the marriage, is intrinsically joyous, even without a festive meal. 

Staying consistent with the metaphor, he says: There is Torah study that is contingent upon receiving certain benefits, such as prestige or perhaps even an orderly society. This is compared to erusin, which is not intrinsically joyous without the addition of a festive meal, that is, without the addition of a physical benefit. The couple cannot live together yet, so the joy is not intrinsic. However, when Torah study reaches a state of desire for union with God’s will, then it is no longer erusin, but rather nisuin, a full fledged marriage. No extra material benefit is required because the relationship itself and the joy of connecting is its own intrinsic value.

I will add, there is a Talmudic derivational concept known as, הרי זה בא ללמד ונמצא למד - the textual source that initially came to teach a precept, ends up deriving a precept from the object source (Sanhedrin 74a). Here too, an idea about Torah Lishmah that is to be learned from marriage also can teach an idea about Marriage. Love comes from truly being curious to understand and see who the other person is, with no strings or preconceptions attached. In a relationship you can get close to someone hoping to see certain qualities you desire. If you see them that is great, but if you don’t you might be disappointed instead of noticing other qualities. It is the difference between Torah shelo Lishmah versus Lishmah.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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