Our Gemara on Amud Beis warns against grieving “too much”, that is beyond the halachically prescribed mourning periods.

So let us consider, is mourning a Torah concession to human frailty, and the ideal person is stoic about death and accept God’s decree with no sadness? Or, is mourning an important holy process itself? The fact that it’s a Mitzvah may not prove anything any more than divorce is a Mitzvah. The question is, what is the place for grief theologically?

I heard in Rabbi Shalom Rosner’s Daf Yomi from the previous cycle that there actually is a Teshuva (#985) of the Radbaz that addresses this, And I will translate portions of this fascinating responsum.

Regarding the question of one of the Gedolei Hador Who lost a son but did not even cry one tear. Is this considered a proper character trait or not? Answer: this is an extremely evil trait which indicates a hard heart, poor disposition, and even a sadistic cruel mentality. We believe that life has great meaning and it is an opportunity to serve God and merit the world to come. One should indeed mourn and grieve relatives and great people. The morning should be for the loss of opportunity of life and the ability to continue to do mitzvos. 

It is fascinating how sometimes great people end up being stuck too much in their head. Keep in mind, The responsum was written about a “Godol Hador” who did not grieve, those are the Radbaz’s own words to describe this person who then he proceeded to lambaste for not showing emotions.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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