There is a landmark lomdishe Ran on Amud Aleph that discusses in-depth the Torah logic regarding bitul, which means the way in which certain unkosher or forbidden substances can be nullified in larger amounts. One of the principles he establishes is the idea behind the opinion which holds that like matters cannot be subject to bitul, nullification, in contradistinction to two different matters. (שיטת רבי יהודה שמין במינו אינו בטל) For example a treif piece of meat might not be as easily nullified in a stew of kosher meat, as opposed to milk in a pot of meat, because one is an identical substance and the other is a different substance. He explains that like substances reinforce each other and so they do not actually become nullified, as opposed to two different substances, where the majority will nullify the minority.

Psychologically, this is true as well. If you surround yourself with “Yes” men, they will reinforce your ideas because they think like you. In a modern sense, we see this in regard to the rabbit holes and echo chambers of social media. People tend to talk to those with whom they agree with so they reinforce each other’s ideas, plucking out data selectively. Even worse, many search engines are attuned to your particular taste and political leaning, and so your news feed and your searches give you information along the lines of what you are already looking for.

The verse (Bereishis 2:18) described the woman as Eizer Knegdo, which we can translate as a helpmate parallel to you. The Netziv (Ha’amek Davar ibid) says that humans, unlike animals, have different natures and they are not uniform in their instinct and drives. Therefore, it is essential to have a partner in life who compliments and understands your pathway and helps you find and move along that path in your way. 

Maharal (Be’er Hagolah 5) goes even further to make note of the fact that Moshe married a foreigner, a Midianite of all people. He says, if we learn that every person‘s marriage is bashert, can you imagine how much more so it must be in regard to Moshe Rabbenu! He explains that the idea of an encounter with somebody who is not from your tribe sharpens and helps one understand who he is by the encounter of the different. If he married any other Jewish person, because Moshe was so outstanding already in his character And development, there would be nothing new for him and no challenge. Nothing more to understand that not about himself because he would be, essentially, marrying himself. 

The brilliant and insightful words of the Maharal speak to all of us. We get frustrated when our spouses challenge us and are different than us, but really it is to our advantage. The differentness challenges us to see ourselves in a clear light, and at times to realize that we can be mistaken, arrogant and misguided. Encountering differentness is an opportunity for humility and growth.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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