When is a “no” real, and when is it really an invitation to prove our love?

Gemara amud beis provides ethical advice on how to be a good guest:

“Anything your host says to you, you should do, except for an inappropriate request, such as if he says to leave.”

Be’er Mayyim Chayyim (Shemos 10:1) understands this directive metaphysically.  Meaning, that G-d is the host, and that one is not obligated to “leave” even when asked to do so.  That is, that in seeking repentance and forgiveness, one does not have to accept “no” as answer.  In fact, he takes it so far as to say that even Pharaoh, with his divinely ordained hardened heart, could still have repented if he truly wanted to and refused to accept G-d telling him to leave.

This pattern of not accepting no, when being told to leave is an important one in human relationships as well, and is even mirrored in a fabulous midrashic encounter between Moshe and G-d. 

The Talmud (Berachos 32a) relates the process by which Moshe tried to appease G-d after the sin of the Golden Calf:

“Once G-d said to Moses: “Leave Me be, that I may destroy them” (Deuteronomy 9:14). Moses said to himself: If G-d is telling me to let Him be, it must be because this matter is dependent upon me. Immediately Moses stood and was strengthened in prayer, and asked that G-d have mercy on the nation of Israel and forgive them for their transgression...G-d told Moses: “Now leave Me be, that My wrath will be enraged against them and I will consume them; and I will make of you a great nation” (Exodus 32:10). Explaining this verse, Rabbi Abbahu said: Were the verse not written in this manner, it would be impossible to utter it, in deference to G-d. The phrase: Leave Me be, teaches that Moses grabbed the Holy One, Blessed be He, as a person who grabs his friend by his garment would, and he said before Him: Master of the Universe, I will not leave You be until You forgive and pardon them.”

This illustrates the scorned and betrayed spouse Archetype. G-d tells Moses to leave him alone, just as many angry spouses say “I will never forgive you”, which as with G-d and Moses, it means “Prove to me that you won’t give up!” The betrayed spouse wants to be taken seriously, but not always by ending the relationship.

While of course, that is not to say we should force ourselves on others and refuse to leave if we must do so.  Rather, it means we should not always take every hateful demand that we leave literally, and see if gentle persistence might warm the cold heart. 

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

Do you like what you see? Please subscribe and also forward any articles you enjoy to your friends, (enemies too, why not?)