Sometimes the halakha tells you all you need to know and you should not bother overthinking it. Many veterans parents of teenagers went through stormy Friday nights where their child slept through or maybe even stormed out of the seudah. 

It’s scary and it hurts when your child rejects an important family ritual. Don’t take it personally. Let it go. He or she will wake up hungry the next day. Don’t carry the fight over. Just smile and act natural. But what about taking responsibility?

The best part is the halakha itself offers a solution that is perfect. Our Gemara discusses this scenario (without the teenager) on amud aleph and it is even codified in Shulkhan Arukh (OH 271:8) that one who misses kiddush Friday night, even deliberately, recites it during the day. The Ramah says the only part you skip is “VaYechulu”, but the full blessing and wine from Friday night kiddush is to be recited.

This is just such a great way to re-engage and its best to do it without a harsh or punitive tone. Rather say in a positive upbeat tone, “You were missed last night. Fortunately, the halakha says you can have a do over and make last night’s  kiddush today.” 

Make it into a nice moment where everyone in the family listens and answers amen. No need for scolding or drama.  Remember, your child has about 2,000 Shabbos Seudos from childhood until adulthood.  That gives you only that many chances to teach through food, song, emotions and actions the foundations of our faith.  Do not waste those Shabbos Seudos on petty power struggles.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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