Our Gemara on this daf discusses the process of the Yefas Toar, the captive woman. The verses describe it detail (Devarim 21:12):

כִּֽי־תֵצֵ֥א לַמִּלְחָמָ֖ה עַל־אֹיְבֶ֑יךָ וּנְתָנ֞וֹ הֹ אֱלֹקְיךָ בְּיָדֶ֖ךָ וְשָׁבִ֥יתָ שִׁבְיֽוֹ׃

 When you [an Israelite warrior] take the field against your enemies, and your God delivers them into your power and you take some of them captive,

וְרָאִ֙יתָ֙ בַּשִּׁבְיָ֔ה אֵ֖שֶׁת יְפַת־תֹּ֑אַר וְחָשַׁקְתָּ֣ בָ֔הּ וְלָקַחְתָּ֥ לְךָ֖ לְאִשָּֽׁה׃ 

and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her and would take her [into your household] as your wife,

וַהֲבֵאתָ֖הּ אֶל־תּ֣וֹךְ בֵּיתֶ֑ךָ וְגִלְּחָה֙ אֶת־רֹאשָׁ֔הּ וְעָשְׂתָ֖ה אֶת־צִפׇּרְנֶֽיהָ׃

 you shall bring her into your household, and she shall trim her hair, pare her nails,

וְהֵסִ֩ירָה֩ אֶת־שִׂמְלַ֨ת שִׁבְיָ֜הּ מֵעָלֶ֗יהָ וְיָֽשְׁבָה֙ בְּבֵיתֶ֔ךָ וּבָ֥כְתָ֛ה אֶת־אָבִ֥יהָ וְאֶת־אִמָּ֖הּ יֶ֣רַח יָמִ֑ים וְאַ֨חַר כֵּ֜ן תָּב֤וֹא אֵלֶ֙יהָ֙ וּבְעַלְתָּ֔הּ וְהָיְתָ֥ה לְךָ֖ לְאִשָּֽׁה׃ 

and discard her captive’s garb. She shall spend a month’s time in your household lamenting her father and mother; after that you may come to her and thus become her husband, and she shall be your wife.

וְהָיָ֞ה אִם־לֹ֧א חָפַ֣צְתָּ בָּ֗הּ וְשִׁלַּחְתָּהּ֙ לְנַפְשָׁ֔הּ וּמָכֹ֥ר לֹא־תִמְכְּרֶ֖נָּה בַּכָּ֑סֶף לֹא־תִתְעַמֵּ֣ר בָּ֔הּ תַּ֖חַת אֲשֶׁ֥ר עִנִּיתָֽהּ׃

Then, should you no longer want her, you must release her outright. You must not sell her for money: since you had your will of her, you must not enslave her.

While this process may seem barbaric to our sentiments, we must consider that we modern folk love to be naive about our most brutal instincts. We act as if we are civilized and yet the bloodlust of war in modern times, not just ancient times, led to sexual transgressions such as rape in the most sadisitic manner.  It does not seem to matter if you are a democracy fighting a “good war”.  Atrocities are committed.  (See for example, “Rape As A Weapon Of War In Modern Conflicts.” BMJ 2010; 340 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.c3270  (Published 24 June 2010) Cite this as: BMJ 2010;340:c3270.)

Though we may not like it, this is human nature.  Thus, when the rabbis observed that this process was a concession to human lust, allowing for a more civilized and respectful process of acting on these lusts, I think they were spot on.  Within the process, we see different ways that the woman still experiences a degree of respect and autonomy, despite her obviously compromised situation as an enemy captive, and frankly an object of sexual desire.

The verses tell us that she must be allowed to grieve her loss of family, country and religion, and ultimately if through this process she is no longer an object of desire, she is to be set free without being sold as slave.  A small reparation for the abuse and rejection she suffered.  The Rambam (Moreh III:41), makes special note about the human process of grieving, allowing for irrational but necessary respect for how human emotions work, which I believe has lessons that extend beyond the particulars of the Yefas Toar:

She must not be prevented from mourning and crying, and she must be permitted to abstain from bathing, in accordance with the words, "and she shall weep for her father and for her mother" (ibid.); for mourners find comfort in crying and in excitement till, the body has not sufficient strength to bear the inner emotions; in the same manner as happy persons find rest in various kinds of play. Thus the Lord is merciful to her and gives her permission to continue her mourning and weeping till she is worn out. 

You know certainly that he married her as a heathen, and that during the thirty days she openly keeps her religion and even continues her idolatrous practices; no interference with her faith was allowed during that time; and after all that she could not be sold, nor treated as a handmaid, if she could not be induced to accept the statutes of the Law.

One of the strongest taboos in Judaism is Idolatry, and yet in recognition of her need to grieve and adjust, Rambam says no interference is made upon her for a month, even if she continues in her loyalty to her religion and country. Sometimes, we have to let people go through a certain process and tolerate their rebellion and sinfulness. It is just part of respecting human nature so that the person can ultimately sort out their feelings, and hopefully come to see the truth.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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