Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the prohibition against cutting off a tzoraas (skin blemish that renders impurity, in Hebrew, nega or negaim, pl.). Not all skin afflictions are impure; the cohen must examine them and, according to certain criteria, decide if they are benign, require quarantine, or are immediately impure (see Vayikra 13). Tosafos (on our Gemara) discusses whether there is a prohibition on cutting off benign blemishes.
Without delving into the actual halacha, the symbolic meaning might hinge on whether a benign skin affliction is truly benign or a warning shot across the bow. Is God saying, “Hey, buddy, you’re getting close to l’shon hara or other critical sins, but this time we’ll let you off with a warning”? Or do we say, “Close calls only count in hand grenades and horseshoes”? This reminds me of a story I heard in the name of the Steipler zt”l. Someone almost hit by a car asked if he had to recite the gomel thanksgiving blessing, to which the Steipler responded, no. When the person expressed surprise, as he was shaken by the close call, the Steipler quipped, “If your long underwear falls off the clothesline, do you bench gomel because you could have been wearing them when they fell?” The halachic point is that if nothing touched you, it doesn’t require formal thanksgiving, unlike if the car had nipped him. Still, the Steipler might agree that such a close call should inspire introspection, as Gemara Megillah (3a) says: even a spontaneous feeling of dread indicates something unseen may be occurring in the spiritual world, all the more so if something dramatically frightens you, even if nothing happened.
Apropos of this, Sefer Daf al Daf quotes the Imrei Emes (based on a Zohar), who holds that benign negaim are a sign of passive forbidden speech—moments when we should have spoken up but kept quiet. Let us reflect: Perhaps we allowed someone to be bullied and did not speak up. Perhaps we grudgingly withheld a compliment or were too critical to see a good thing.
By now, Gottman’s famous 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions for relationship stability is well-researched, validated, and even broadly applied to parenting and corporate culture. As a reminder, here are ways to create positive interactions:
- Compliments: Offer genuine praise.
- Be attentive: Noticing is different from complimenting. Yosef noticed his fellow prisoners’ bad moods, leading to events that rescued him and his family (Bereishis 40:7). Imagine the attunement required—everyone is miserable in jail, yet Yosef noticed his peers were unusually unhappy.
- Express affection: Physically or emotionally, depending on the person’s love language.
- Apologize: When appropriate.
- Empathize: Don’t judge why someone feels a certain way. Imagine what would make you feel that way to empathize, even if their trigger doesn’t “make sense.” We all have irrational triggers.
Two additional ways require strong relational and social instincts. When done right, they’re fantastic, but if mistimed, they can cause friction:
- Use humor sparingly: At the right moment, with attunement, it can break tension and allow perspective. Poorly timed, it may feel minimizing. If someone says, “I’m so nervous about…,” a joke like, “Let’s prepare for the worst and plan for the end of the world,” can lighten the mood or seem mocking. A healthy relationship and good empathy are needed to gauge when and how.
- Be vulnerable: Framing difficult experiences as sad, lonely, or shame-inducing can open doors for collaboration on painful conflicts. If done incorrectly, it can feel narcissistic or guilting.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com