Daf Yomi, Marriage Counseling, Psychotherapy, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Torah and Psychology
Our Gemara on Amud Aleph refers to a command given by Yosef, when he was the viceroy, to prepare meat for a meal that he would have with his brothers. The verse (Bereishis 43:15) refers to some kind of slaughtering process, indicating that our ancestors had an early tradition of shechitta.
Sefas Emes (Bereishis, Chanukah) makes a beautiful observation regarding that verse. Yosef committed three sins: (1) He accused the brothers of eating a limb from a live animal, (2) he accused them of being lustful in their gazing at the local maidens, (3) he accused them of having contempt for the brothers who were children of the maidservants (see Rashi ibid 37:2).
As Yosef went through his experiences in Egypt, he redeemed himself from these three character deficits. When the brothers came, he made sure that they had appropriately kosher meat. Regarding the accusation of his brothers’ wandering eyes, the verse states that the women of Egypt would watch Yosef from the walls as he would pass by (see Rashi ibid 49:22). And regarding his accusing the brothers of contempt for those whose mothers were maidservants, we find him treating the brothers with extraordinary respect in asking the Egyptians to leave the room before he discloses to, and confronts his brothers that he is the one whom they sold and left for dead in the pit (Bereishis 45:1).
It is a clever and symmetrical idea to find within Yosef’s suffering and experience a personal redemption and character development. However, it requires more analysis. The last point is more clear, in that we see him showing deference for his brothers, even though he could have treated them as slaves, gven his status. This can be seen as a recognition that he misjudged them in their contempt for the other brothers. Even this is a little difficult, because all we see is him behaving better than he accused the brothers of. How do we know that the brothers themselves improved their attitude, or that he was appreciating that? Furthermore, it’s even more difficult to understand the intent of the Sefas Emes with the other two examples. Indeed, Yosef may have been admired by the maidens of the land, but how does that translate to recanting on his accusation about the brothers lusting after the local women? And similarly, how does providing them with slaughtered meat indicate that he was now recanting on his accusation against the brothers?
I believe within the questions are seeds for the answers. Sefas Emes is assuming that Yosef, as a growing person, cannot manifest a middah that the Torah notes as positive unless he also has corrected related personality distortions within. Meaning to say, the Torah would not emphasize or note his meticulousness in keeping the rituals of slaughter, or that the women gazed at him, or that he treated his brothers with dignity, unless he had within him a healthy perspective - which includes being able to judge his brothers favorably on all three counts. This is a powerful lesson. A person cannot fulfill a character trait or a mitzvah fully, at least to the extent that the Torah will describe it in a laudatory fashion, unless all aspects are complete. He must have corrected within himself his judgmental view of the brothers in order for him to enact his own proper behavior.
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Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com