One of the things that I like to do is to refresh the weatherproofing on my deck. So, I made the trip to Home Depot to buy the right can and paint roller to do the job. 

As I was checking out at the paint department, I commented to the attendant that whenever I opened these types of cans, I always ruined them in the process and was unable to reseal the still half full containers. The attendant, Jim, asked me how I typically opened the paint cans. I explained that I used a hammer and screwdriver. He smiled knowingly and reached under the counter and handed me a tool designed on pry paint cans open without ruining them. It had a blunt edge and when I later used it, it worked perfectly.  I was able to pry open the can in a way that did not ruin the can.

As I worked on the deck it occurred to me that so many times in life we hope people we love would open up to us, but, to make sure we do no damage, we have to be careful to use the right tools. 

Consider what you would do if you noticed your spouse walking around looking quite sad. One approach would be to declare in a harsh and judgmental voice, "Hey, what's your problem?" That may or may not get your spouse to open up, but it would certainly leave some jagged rough spots in the relationship. 

Another possibility is to approach your spouse with consideration and warmth. "It seems to me that you look a bit sad," you might say. "Is it something that I did? Or something that I can help with?" After all, when you are married, it is precious when you can be there for each other. 

So, thank you, Jim at Home Depot, for reminding me that there are special tools for opening, which are a bit less sharp, and far more effective. 

Mordechai Rhine is a certified mediator who specializes in marriage mediation. He is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and services clients throughout the United States via Zoom. Rabbi Rhine has served as a community Rabbi for over two decades. He can be reached through his website, www.care-mediation.com, or by email at RMRhine@gmail.com.