Compliments lubricate the marriage. If there are compliments flowing regularly between husband and wife, then the touchy situations that come up are just a little bit less squeaky and far more manageable. 

In my marriage mediation practice I find that some people have trouble giving compliments because things aren't so perfect, and others have trouble receiving compliments, often because they don’t realize how important compliments are. 

The challenge of giving compliments because things aren't so perfect is often the result of an inborn sense of truthfulness. A great question to ask ourselves is, " Is the cup half full or half empty?" If both are true, then it is up to us to focus as we choose. A compliment is about one of the many truths that exist in our lives, even as life is complex and various feelings exist all at the same time. Giving a compliment is about taking a moment to focus on something pleasant.

Some people find it hard to receive compliments. Perhaps they did not grow up receiving compliments, so they are not used to it. With practice a person can learn to receive compliments gracefully.

Compliments are the gateway to healthy self-esteem and to a loving, sustainable relationship.

Mordechai Rhine is a certified mediator who specializes in marriage mediation. He is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and services clients throughout the United States via Zoom. Rabbi Rhine has served as a community Rabbi for over two decades. He can be reached through his website, www.care-mediation.com, or by email at RMRhine@gmail.com.