If you are thinking about divorce, and have children, please think again.

Divorce has become a casual topic in modern times. When husband and wife don’t get along, it does seem to be a way out. If you are in this situation, you know that there are times and situations that marriage can be very painful. You may feel stifled, taken advantage of, or just stuck in a loveless relationship. It is time for you to reach out for help.

Let’s be real. If you are considering divorce, it is important to recognize that divorce comes with its package of side effects. This is especially true if you have children. Children of divorce often live with long term limitations in personal development resulting from their parents’ divorce. This is not about making you feel guilty. It is about inspiring you to try to use the strategies of marriage mediation to make things better in your marriage.

In her book, “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,” Judith Wallerstein describes the results of her landmark 25-year study tracking children of divorce from childhood into adulthood. She exposes many of the myths that modern thinking has used to convince us that divorce does not impact the children in any great way. “Children are resilient; they will get past it,” is a common claim, which has been exposed as inaccurate. If divorce is inevitable, certainly, children are resilient and will cope the best they can. Many children of divorce strive for many years to overcome the effects to their sense of stability in relationships. A more responsible approach in a troubled marriage is to try marriage mediation.

Marriage mediation includes an important process called discernment, in which you and your spouse commit to 4 ninety-minute sessions together with your marriage mediator. As a marriage mediator, I facilitate the conversation, helping you both clarify the essence of the issues that distance you in the relationship. Then I work together with you to guide you in strategies to address your challenges.

The amazing fact of well managed communication is that you get to hear and be heard. My desire as a marriage mediator is that everyone should be blessed to have a happy marriage. If you are experiencing distancing in your relationship, it is important that you reach out for help. Our system explores the possibility of real-change reconciliation. Depending on what challenges you are dealing with, we will ask questions like, “Is the spouse willing to address the disorder, behavior, or addiction that is affecting the marriage?” I invite you to invest in a new approach to living in happiness.

The discernment stage of marriage mediation is ideal for couples who feel like they are at a crossroads in the relationship. The status quo will only lead to more flareups and more distancing. Learning a new way to interact and communicate is essential. If you are blessed with children, their future can inspire you to reach out for help so you can make your home the happy place it was meant to be.

Mordechai Rhine is a certified mediator who specializes in marriage mediation. He is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and services clients throughout the United States via Zoom. Rabbi Rhine has served as a community Rabbi for over two decades. He can be reached through his website, www.care-mediation.com, or by email at RMRhine@gmail.com.